Thread: Remaining Friends With The Ex...

It depends on how it ended. I cannot say that I have ever been friends with an ex before, I would have tried but it just seemed everytime the relationship ended we weren't dying to stay friends so we just moved on. I think if you have kids you should stay friends or at least friendly I know that's not always easy with those kinds of relationships but I think it's necessary for the kid's sake. I tried to be at least on a friendly basis with my ex-husband but he chose not to go that route so now we're all business or we just don't speak at all. Not that I see him much, thank goodness. I'm good with the arrangement.

I personally do not have any exs as friends, and that's not because all of my relationships have ended badly!
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I do wonder sometimes, especially when I see some positive examples of it working well. I wonder!.....I am missing out on something and question how I can cut out someone from my life now when they meant so much to me before? I guess it works both ways.
But when I see some of the chaos it can cause to some people, I am so relieved.

depend on situtaion if there is child involed i said yes you try to stay friend noone like deadbeat father/mother. if there is no children involed in the picture best thing not to stay friends

If we broke up on good terms I would still be friends, but also respect the feelings of my bf about having an ex as a friends. I wouldn't call them every day, but probably just once in a while to see how each other is doing.

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Originally Posted by Necie
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Do you try to remain friends with your ex-boyfriends/girlfriends? Do you think it is possible or healthy to do so?

Most 'NO'. The ones I've truly been in love with 'Yes'. I don't know if that makes sense. I've only been in two relationships where I've been deeply in love (now there's an interesting word with a plethora of definitions and a ton of inferences one may draw from them) and I've maintained an on-going relationship with those two ladies.

I believe it goes back to the Zen philosophy of enlightenment and the Jerry Maguire philosophy of "You complete me!". There's a 'symbol' I'm thinking of that looks like 'two commas' one black, one white (how apropos) intertwined that has some physiological/psychological/altruistic meaning regarding synergy/metamorphosis/and a symbiotic relationship that I can't recall the name of at the moment.

Regardless, at an integral/pivotal and somewhat uncertain time in my life when I wasn't certain I could move to the next level both of these ladies have served to 'bring me out of the forest' so to speak and helped me see the 'trees for the woods'. There is a quote by French novelist and playwright Albert Camus that reads roughly, "In the midst of winter I discovered within me dwelt and invincible summer." It seeks to address the trials and tribulations of life and in enduring them the rebirth of freedom one finds. In my mind it's comparable to the "Footprints In The Sand" poem by Mary Stevenson which I'll post at the bottom of this post in the instance someone has not already seen it. (Yes, folks I do read but I forget more than I remember.)

Both of these ladies took me to levels I thought I could no longer reach regarding desire, trust and understanding. Both helped me increase my self-comprehension, self-confidence, self-esteem and self-awareness. Both of these ladies are remarkable in their own right for self-endurance and self-reliance and overcoming their own obstacles, trials and tribulations in their own respective lives. In loving them I learned to love myself again. There isn't anything either of them could ask me to do that I would not do. I trust them both implicitly. I would never intentionally harm either one of them. I will always be there for them. I am their protector. They were my salvation.

These were truly symbiotic relationships. Both of these ladies were selfless and had no ulterior motive other than to find love. Both of these ladies helped me grow as an individual. Both of these ladies helped me redefine my values regarding shared trust. Both of these ladies were open and honest. I guess that made for some stellar intimate relationships. (Had to go and ruin it with that last comment.)

I guess I say all that just to say that there is a 'Ying' and a 'Yang' out there. (I guess the moment arrived.) The fact that you may not end-up as 'man-and-wife' or 'lifetime lovers' shouldn't detract from the symbiotic relationship you've formed. (I guess that may sit differently with one or the other's significant other.) I tend to go back to these ladies to perform some 'odd' form of 'self-calibration'. They serve as a 'sounding board' in my life. They are the keepers of my id, ego and superego. Even though we are not still together in a physical sense I still strive to please them, for in pleasing them I am promoting continuous and on-going self-growth and self-improvement. I trust and value both of their opinions. I still love them both deeply but in a different sort of way. Maybe it is as simple as 'You Complete Me'. BTW I had them both at "Hello".

It's amazing what you think of when you're sitting outside under an apple tree...

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Originally Posted by Necie
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Do you try to remain friends with your ex-boyfriends/girlfriends? Do you think it is possible or healthy to do so?

'You Complete Me'
by Keyshia Cole

Can you hear me out there?
Have you ever had someone who loved you
Never leave your side?
I know you'll be here because you love me, yes, you do

I'm givin' all my life and all my love if you
Promise me that you'll be here forever
I'll give you all of me, I'll give you everything
If you promise me you'll never leave me

What my friends say don't matter
You'll be right here from the start
And I'll get on my knees, I'll give you all of me
If you never leave my side, because

You love me, you complete me
You hold my heart in your hands
And it's okay 'cause I trust that
You'll be the best man that you can
Baby, you love me, yeah, oh yes, you do, yeah

And no matter what they ever say about you
I'm gonna stay by your side
Promise me no matter what they say about me
That you're gonna be here until the end of time

'Cause you held me down when nobody was around
And gave me all the love I need
So give me more, don't you ever leave
'Cause you complete me

I know, you love me, you complete me
You hold my heart in your hands
And it's okay 'cause I trust that
You'll be the best man that you can

'Cause you, give me my heart back
Give me my love back, baby
I want it all because it's never enough
Give me my heart, give me my love back
I want it all because it's never enough

You love me, you complete me
You hold my heart in your hands
And it's okay 'cause I trust that
You'll be the best man that you can

You love me, you complete me
You hold my heart in your hands
And it's okay 'cause I trust that
You'll be the best man that you can

And it's okay
I know you do, I know you do
Yes, you do, I need you, too
Yeah, I love you, baby, ohh



'Footprints in the Sand'

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed
that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from
anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord,
"You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during
the most trying periods of my life
there have only been one
set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most,
you have not been there for me?"

The Lord replied,
"The times when you have
seen only one set of footprints in the sand,
is when I carried you."

Mary Stevenson

I am friends with two ex boyfriends.
They were GREAT guys and we just were NOT ment to be.
One was never sexual. Hell, we never even kissed.
I set him up with my best friend and they are still also friends.
We are also friends with his wife.
Strange? If you knew this guy. You would LOVE him to keep him as a friend.
He is a really great guy!!

Then my other ex I am still friends with.
Hell, I took his "MAN CHERRY" HA HA!!!
But, I loved this guy a lot and I had to move on because he was not ready for what I wanted.
I wanted to marry the guy, but.
He was new to the relationship thing.
I knew that and I met the guy that I soon married.
But, me and the ex are still friends and I was right!
He was so NOT ready for what I wanted.
He went on to date another girl and they broke up and then he met his NOW wife.
Who is a bit older than him.
I am happy for the guy.
I love him enough to still be friends with him.

But, other ex's
UGH!!!
They were the LOSERS of my passed.
Cheating and getting one chick knocked up .
Then the other wanted to rush me into marriage to make a ton of babies!! NO way!!
Then so many others were just plain LOSERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm sure it's possible if both people act like adults and are honest about their feelings. I just don't think you can go from one to the other immediately. There has to be a period of adjustment. It's been my experience if you try to go from one to the other immediately, one of you is still hoping for some kind of reconciliation (the dumped) and the other is perfectly happy with things the way they are (the person doing the dumping). Then you're not truly being friends.

It also depends on your definition of "friends". "Friend" isn't a term I assign lightly. Friends are people I share intimate details of my life with and would go to the ends of the earth for and trust that they would do the same for me. My true friends are in the single digits.

I believe in being cordial with my exes. My ex-husband and I were eventually able to come to terms with our issues and be cordial with each other. I'm glad that we had that, because he passed away last Saturday and I wouldn't have wanted that unfinished business on my conscience.

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Originally Posted by RichardBackman
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Very sorry for your loss VB68. Losing someone that was that close, even though an ex, is still a blow.

Thank you.

I personally can keep ex's as friends, but as soon as I have a new serious relationship they are cast out like the plague. (Yes I am serious) I have an huge issue with trust, and therefore anything I would like for girlfriend to do I will do first. I have mostly female friends, this is ALWAYS told out front at the begining of a relationship. I also have no issue with guy friends because if they were going to get together, they would have done it before I was even in the picture. I DO NOT agree with ex boy friends being in the picture, because they had something, and I do not trust other men enough to not try and work that in their advantage, sooooo I practice what I preach and keep my ex girl friends out of the picture when I am serious with someone. That is my two cents =D

I'm cool with two of my exes, they are both married now. I had a sexual relationship with them both. One I had a long talk with for about 3 hrs after we found each other again, he put his feelings out there, I told him mine and we've been cool every since. The other one, we share the same sense of humor which probably assisted in us reconnecting. I was never in love with either of them, which probably made it easier for me to be able to cultivate some type of friendship with them again.

But the ones I was stomp down in love with, NO WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! They all ended badly, i tried on several accounts, be essentially I think we knew it was completely over and attempting to nurture some time of friendship would be futile.