Thread: Why Not Divorce?

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Originally Posted by CountryAngel
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I DON'T get it. My cousins wife put him out 2 weeks before Christmas. She refuses to go to marriage counseling and has instructed her son not to talk to him. He knows she is cheating. He is still paying some of her bills.
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Yet he refuses to get a divorce. I cannot begin to comprehend this. They just got married in fall 2008 so I'm thinking he should cut his losses and move on, but he's hanging on and keeps saying, "I'm not getting a divorce. If she wants one she can file." WTH?!? The woman put you out and is F'g another man! I would be running to the divorce lawyer.
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There's more stupidity on his part. When they got married the real estate bubble had just burst so he couldn't sell his house. He moved into her house so her son wouldn't have to change schools. He tried renting it but couldn't get a decent price for it. Once she put him out he went into a tailspin.
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Lost 30 pounds, stayed in bed for a week and instead of going back to his house he moved in across the street from his house with his best friend because he can't stand to be there without her.
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WTF?!? He's still paying a $1200 monthly mortgage on a house he won't sleep in. I get being broken hearted, I have cried over many a man in my day, but there is no way in hell I would let the memory of a man keep me out of a house for which I was still paying.
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It gets better. He introduced her to motorcycling and bought her into his club and she told him he had to leave the club because those were here friends.
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The president of the club told him he better not leave, so he stayed but I notice she goes on more rides than he does.

Best part, he's friendly with her first husband and he said that the guy she is with now is the same guy from before. That's right she cheated on husband #1 & husband #2 with the same man! My question is why the heck doesn't she marry him?!?
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Wow. Love is a many splintered thing, eh? I agree, it makes no sense, unless there's legal complications you don't know about.

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Originally Posted by MichaelM
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Wow. Love is a many splintered thing, eh? I agree, it makes no sense, unless there's legal complications you don't know about.

I suppose that's possible but, I think it has more to do with his being a devout Baptist. Also, this is his 2nd marriage and I think maybe he feels like he failed or chose poorly or something.

I always hear it is CHEAPER to keep her...

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Originally Posted by Dgirl
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I always hear it is CHEAPER to keep her...

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Originally Posted by Cyrano
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ditto

SMH! That's a rhyme, NOT the truth.
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I've talked to men and women who have been divorced and every single one said it was worth every cent they paid.

I know MANY STILL paying and they have a NEW wife...
But, that is the Navy folks I know...

Cause of the BULL crap rule where if you been together for 10 years or more...
I say they split.. she or he gets NOTHING!!

So, in their case it is CHEAPER to keep her..
Cause you will be FREAKING BROKE!

My heart goes out to your cousin. I hate hearing things like this because single women like myself are always trying to find a good man who is like your cousin. Women, wait, I'm not even going to call her a woman, she is a little girl because she's playing games. Little girls like her, are half of the reason men like your cousin become "damaged goods". What I mean is this, when he finally does get over her, and moves on, he may think that all women are like his ex, and he will always carry that around with him. The next woman he has a relationship with, is going to have to try like hell to "break the mold." He might think in his mind that he can't and won't find anyone better than her, and that could be one of the reasons why he can't seem to move on. But he can and he will. I work with women like her, who don't appreciate what they have. She knows what she is doing, she won't marry that man she's cheating with because she knows he won't do her right, but then again, he might be the one who don't want to marry her and just consider her to be his "side piece" of as*. He see how she has cheated on not 1 but 2 husbands with him, he knows that he don't have to "put a ring on it" to keep dealing with her. Some people are just really trifling.

I'm pretty sure that if the situation were reverse, the tone of this conversation would be quite different. When you speak in terms of things being cheaper, I think you also have to consider the mental and emotional cost. We've probably all been in relationships where it cost us something materially to leave but the spiritual relief was well worth it. If he feels like a failure, that's something he'll have to deal with whether he's with her or not, and why would he constantly subject himself to a situation that only reinforces those thoughts? If he's staying because of religious beliefs, why does he want to be with someone who obviously doesn't share those feelings? I understand there's no logic to emotions so trying to make any sense of this may not be possible, you may just have to stand back and watch him live his life. Having said all that, I'm probably the last person in the world that ANYBODY should be getting relationship advice from. A few tears a go I heard some guy say that instead of getting married again he was just gonna find a different woman every 4 or 5 years and buy her a house because it was cheaper than dealing with divorce and lawyers.
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Originally Posted by cuteone2010
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My heart goes out to your cousin. I hate hearing things like this because single women like myself are always trying to find a good man who is like your cousin. Women, wait, I'm not even going to call her a woman, she is a little girl because she's playing games. Little girls like her, are half of the reason men like your cousin become "damaged goods". What I mean is this, when he finally does get over her, and moves on, he may think that all women are like his ex, and he will always carry that around with him. The next woman he has a relationship with, is going to have to try like hell to "break the mold." He might think in his mind that he can't and won't find anyone better than her, and that could be one of the reasons why he can't seem to move on. But he can and he will. I work with women like her, who don't appreciate what they have. She knows what she is doing, she won't marry that man she's cheating with because she knows he won't do her right, but then again, he might be the one who don't want to marry her and just consider her to be his "side piece" of as*. He see how she has cheated on not 1 but 2 husbands with him, he knows that he don't have to "put a ring on it" to keep dealing with her. Some people are just really trifling.

Exactly! BAD women create these damaged bitter men, that can't or won't trust and love. He admits to not being perfect, I don't think he cheated. I think his role in this is that he's not real good at communicating his feelings and that he tends to hold a grudge. I'm not saying that he drove her to cheat, just that these things always have 2 sides and I don't know her side.

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Originally Posted by MichaelM
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I'm pretty sure that if the situation were reverse, the tone of this conversation would be quite different. When you speak in terms of things being cheaper, I think you also have to consider the mental and emotional cost. We've probably all been in relationships where it cost us something materially to leave but the spiritual relief was well worth it. If he feels like a failure, that's something he'll have to deal with whether he's with her or not, and why would he constantly subject himself to a situation that only reinforces those thoughts? If he's staying because of religious beliefs, why does he want to be with someone who obviously doesn't share those feelings? I understand there's no logic to emotions so trying to make any sense of this may not be possible, you may just have to stand back and watch him live his life.

I know I can't do anything to help him through this grieving process, but I feel bad for him. He's not even one of my favorite cousins.
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There are days he comes over and starts talking about all she did wrong and I just want to slap him and say, "Kick her to the curb & get on with your life already." He's obviously in so much pain. I hate to see anybody hurt like that.
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Having said all that, I'm probably the last person in the world that ANYBODY should be getting relationship advice from.

A few years a go I heard some guy say that instead of getting married again he was just gonna find a different woman every 4 or 5 years and buy her a house because it was cheaper than dealing with divorce and lawyers.
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That was Greg Giraldo. Great Comedian! God rest his soul.
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