Thread: Is There Divorce Etiquette?

If I was married and if my husband cheated, you bet I'm going to file. I'm not going to sit around while he takes his sweet little time marching to the courthouse to get things taken care of. Some people belive that if one cheats, then they should be the one who should take care of it, but what do you do when that person just keeps pushing it to the side? It only stops you from going on with your life, and if you happen to meet someone else, then what do you do. Move out while still married, then watch him(the x) continue to take his time because he don't want you to move on and marry someone else, nope don't think so.
As far as #5, you know I never understood that. It happens everyday, I see it on that show "Cheaters" sometimes where the husband is out working while the wife is at home twittling her thumbs while the kids are in school. But somehow she finds the time to cheat, so I feel if she got time to be on her back messing around, then she can use that time to go out and get a 9 to 5 like everyone else. Same for a man who stays home all day, he can go out and get a job, or ask his other woman to give him the money to file. Either way, if they can figure out the time to screw around, they can figure out a way to come up with the cash.

6) If your spouse is an alcoholic or addict do you have to prove it to get full custody of the children? Is participation in a 12-Step program enough or do they need to be in a reputable rehab program?

It doesn't technically matter who files, except if somehow there's an option to file in more than one state. Then the first to file determines which state's rules get used for the divorce. THAT could be important.

Technically, all 50 states are no-fault divorce states. Meaning one does not have to allege any kind of fault, including infidelity, to initiate a divorce. You can just say, "I want a divorce," and that's sufficient. However, filing for fault will sometimes allow one to avoid legally mandated separation, which could be a year or more before the divorce is granted, and instead get an instantaneous divorce.

As to whether cheating affects division of property, that depends.

Nine states are "community property" states. My understanding of that is they more or less just divide everything 50/50, regardless of who earned what, how long you were married, and who is a bit¢h and who is a bastard. Not terribly fair in my opinion.

Other states use an "equitable distribution" formula to consider how to divide property. This is some sort of complex formula that takes account of a variety of factors, which could include infidelity. Even if it's not supposed to include infidelity, the judge might still be taking it into account, because hey, judges are human and have human emotions and prejudices.

I'd imagine that when it comes to lawyers and costs, all of those are going to come out of the couple's joint money. If one spouse somehow has no money, I think the one who does have money can be forced to pay for the other's attorney, court costs, etc. Not positive about that, though.

And when it comes to custody, yes, any allegation that the other person is an unfit parent will have to be backed up with evidence in court.

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Originally Posted by magicityman
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Lawdy at the questions!!!
All these questions aren't based on answers set in stone, That is why law is a practice and not a science. Each case is different in it's own way and up to a judge to interpret the law as written/make decisions based on them and the welfare of all parties involved.

I know of 3 couples currently getting divorced or at least talking about it. I can't ask them these questions cause they are liable to start either crying or screaming about their spouse.
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I have other friends who are divorced, but for some reason they were easy no-fault type divorces.

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Originally Posted by CountryAngel
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I know of 3 couples currently getting divorced or at least talking about it. I can't ask them these questions cause they are liable to start either crying or screaming about their spouse.
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I have other friends who are divorced, but for some reason they were easy no-fault type divorces.

Most divorces are no-fault divorces. Fault mainly impacts whether you can avoid the trial separation period or not. In order to file a fault divorce, there are a limited set of conditions that are considered "fault." Some typical ones would be (I looked these up):

• cruelty (inflicting unnecessary emotional or physical pain) -- this is the most frequently used ground for divorce
• adultery
• desertion for a specified length of time
• confinement in prison for a set number of years, and
• physical inability to engage in sexual intercourse, if it was not disclosed before marriage.

Not every state offers fault divorce. And I think most couples don't go for it because, even assuming the conditions are met, it can be a lot of hassle and usually the only benefit is avoiding the mandatory separation period.

I think the term you're looking for with respect to your friends, CA, is not "no-fault" divorce, but rather "uncontested" divorce. That's where the couple can arrive at a reasonable division of assets and custody arrangements on their own, without bringing a judge into it. When the couple don't agree on that stuff, that's when things get drawn out and nasty.

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Originally Posted by Pale Male
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Most divorces are no-fault divorces. Fault mainly impacts whether you can avoid the trial separation period or not. In order to file a fault divorce, there are a limited set of conditions that are considered "fault." Some typical ones would be (I looked these up):

• cruelty (inflicting unnecessary emotional or physical pain) -- this is the most frequently used ground for divorce
• adultery
• desertion for a specified length of time
• confinement in prison for a set number of years, and
• physical inability to engage in sexual intercourse, if it was not disclosed before marriage.

Not every state offers fault divorce. And I think most couples don't go for it because, even assuming the conditions are met, it can be a lot of hassle and usually the only benefit is avoiding the mandatory separation period.

I think the term you're looking for with respect to your friends, CA, is not "no-fault" divorce, but rather "uncontested" divorce. That's where the couple can arrive at a reasonable division of assets and custody arrangements on their own, without bringing a judge into it. When the couple don't agree on that stuff, that's when things get drawn out and nasty.

Ahh yes, you are correct.
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Uncontested is the word I should have used.
You are a font of interesting information. Have you ever been on Jeopardy?

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Originally Posted by CountryAngel
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Ahh yes, you are correct.
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Uncontested is the word I should have used.
You are a font of interesting information. Have you ever been on Jeopardy?

Eh, sometimes, maybe I'm interesting.

Other times, I think I come off as a tedious know-it-all.

It's just that I get carried away with talking, if I feel I know a bit about a subject. And I get hooked on researching some really weird subjects ...

I only know the generalities of the U.S. divorce laws because I got curious about them when, like you, I had a friend who was going through an acrimonious divorce.