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  1. August 18th, 2011 10:23 AM #1
    gem54
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    Soon to be stepmom

    Hi -

    I'm new on here, so first hello to everyone :-) I'm a young hispanic female dating a black man whom I absolutely love. He's honestly the best man I've ever dated. We live together, and are talking marriage. Anyway, he has a daughter who he is trying to get custody of. I'm all for it, but we had a conversation the other day that I ned major help with! If this offends anyone, I apologize in advance, but to me it's a realistic concern!

    Being mixed (hispanic, white, and cherokee), our cultures are very different, but we work through it and really have no problems. Both of our families get along great. The only thing that scares me is the hair issue...... He asked me if I know how to do hair and told me I'm gonna have to learn... and when I told him I wouldn't know where to begin, he got offended :-( So please, if anyone has any tips or anything for hairstyles for his daughter, please help! I'm soooo looking forward to being a stepmom; I love his daughter as if she were mine. I'm just worried about not being able to do her hair and style it because my hair is completely different. Any advice???
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  2. August 18th, 2011 10:54 AM #2
    Dgirl
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    Re: Soon to be stepmom

    girl, welcome.. I think I had a link on here about that issue..
    I will get back to you on that..
    Gotta go to work..

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  3. August 18th, 2011 01:24 PM #3
    MichaelM
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    Re: Soon to be stepmom

    Hi and welcome to M&M. I don't think I can help you with this issue, but interestingly enough, this was a topic on the Marriage Ref, Sun night. I have never before watched that show and don't know why it was on my TV Sun, unless it was for this post, lol. It's probably online somewhere. There was a white guy (a bald white guy, no less) married to a black woman and they had a daughter. The guy was all for letting the daughter go natural and the mother was very definate about how to treat the daughter's hair. Patti LaBelle was one of the guests.

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  4. August 18th, 2011 02:56 PM #4
    Risspina
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    Re: Soon to be stepmom


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    Originally Posted by gem54
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    He asked me if I know how to do hair and told me I'm gonna have to learn... and when I told him I wouldn't know where to begin, he got offended.
    Take her to a salon that specializes in black hair, and ask for advice as to how to manage it. You'll have to go a few times to get enough information, and it will certainly take a lot of practice, but you'll get the hang of it eventually.

    Just like with any other element of a relationship, if you love him and his daughter well enough, you'll find the drive to stick it out and learn what you need to know.
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  5. August 18th, 2011 04:05 PM #5
    gem54
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    Re: Soon to be stepmom

    Thank you all. Dgirl - I hope you still have the link! =)

    Michael M - I've never heard of that show but I'll try to Google it.

    Risspina - I thought about a salon. I never really grew up going to a salon except for special occasions, but I know some of my friends go every week. Is that safe for a 9 year old?? I love the both of them very much, so learning and adapting to this is one of my top priorities right now!
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  6. August 18th, 2011 04:20 PM #6
    Pale Male
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    Re: Soon to be stepmom

    There are also probably some people who've already written guides on this subject. If no one here suggests any good ones, then I'd just recommend searching the web yourself.

    I Googled it, and this came up right away:


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  7. August 18th, 2011 04:23 PM #7
    Risspina
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    Re: Soon to be stepmom


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    Originally Posted by gem54
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    Thank you all.
    You're welcome. This is probably the friendliest collection of people I've met on the web. You were lucky to find this site, as was I.


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    Originally Posted by gem54
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    Is that safe for a 9 year old?? I love the both of them very much, so learning and adapting to this is one of my top priorities right now!
    I don't see any problem with taking her to a salon as long as she's patient enough to sit still and cooperate.

    Here are a few Milk & Mocha threads about African-American hair...


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  8. August 18th, 2011 06:28 PM #8
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    Re: Soon to be stepmom

    Like others said you can always take her to a salon, but while you are there, watch what they do, that way you can do it yourself and save money. Also there are black hair care magazines that you can buy. They have adult hairstyles as well as hairstyles for kids, and they can help you chose on what kind of hair products to use. Another place you can try, believe it or not is YouTube. I'm a YouTube junkie, and people have all kinds of videos on there especially when it comes to hair. So I'm sure you will find something there as well, hope that helps.

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  9. August 18th, 2011 06:35 PM #9
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    Re: Soon to be stepmom


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    Originally Posted by gem54
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    I thought about a salon...some of my friends go every week. Is that safe for a 9 year old??
    (Byron's Wife here) Welcome to M&M! As a disclaimer, I can't give much advice on this subject as I am white & have no children- but, I do know this much: caring for black hair that is chemically treated is different (& much more delicate) than natural hair. I understand your concern over the safety of a 9 year old going to the salon regularly (with all the chemicals & all that), but, if her hair is not natural, she will need some help with either maintaining her current relaxer (or perm, etc...), or help her transition to natural- if you & your husband so choose.

    As Risspina suggested, a good hairdresser can be a great help to guide you through the basics... and don't worry- black hair care can be a little different, but it's not as terrifying as some people make it out to be. I'm sure that with a little help to get started you're going to do just fine!
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  10. August 18th, 2011 07:06 PM #10
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    Re: Soon to be stepmom

    Welcome to Milk & Mocha gem54!

    Black hair can be a bear!
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    I vote for taking her to a black hair salon. I don't think your fiance should be forcing you to learn how to style black hair. Heck, I'm 45 and I still have trouble with my hair. That's why I'm sporting micro-braids right now. LOL Expensive and time consuming to put in, but worth it.
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  11. August 19th, 2011 12:26 AM #11
    Dgirl
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    Re: Soon to be stepmom

    OK BACK... "
    STILL have to look..

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  12. August 19th, 2011 10:05 AM #12
    gem54
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    Re: Soon to be stepmom

    Wow! Again, thanks everyone for the help! I think I'll try to pick up some magazines. Right now, we only have her on the weekends, so maybe I'll take her to a salon on Sunday. Her hair is natural, no relaxers, so for right now hopefully it shouldn't be that difficult =)
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  13. August 27th, 2011 03:47 PM #13
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    Re: Soon to be stepmom

    Hi all. Being AA I understand that relaxed & natural hair can be quite difficult to manage. The best thing for the child in the situation is to find a great salon that can assist you with taking care of the hair. If this option is too expensive find a neighbor, church member, family friend that is also AA to help you. This is in the best interest of the child as to not ruin the hair and embarrass the child.
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